Sometimes I get sick of being mediocre.

There are certain moments in that small stretch of time that precedes a fierce storm where the immediate sky is a bright sunny blue. Facing one direction it appears to be a calm day of cumulus clouds reflecting the suns warm rays. However, suddenly a slight breeze cause a certain chill. Thus, the opposite direction signals the impending doom. Streaks of far off rain line the dim murky sky, a warning of the cold, frightening storm. No. It isn't a baptism, nor rejuvenating. However, I guess you could call it the start of a new life.

Welcome to my current situation.

I love my life, but I'm mentally done with high school and want to go to college. I don't want to be alone. I don't want this excruciating pain of forcing myself out of love.

Sometimes it is difficult to reassure myself that in the wake of this storm I will resurface stronger, with good memories and experiences, as an independent soul who can handle life.

In times like this, it is also difficult to remember that I've chosen a career where I can positively affect other people and that means more to me than a prestigious degree or university. Though I know that this is what I want to do with my life, in the back of my heart I have this lingering feeling that I'm settling, especially every time some one looks at me with : the why-are-you-going-to-Bowling-Green" look, which is only erased with my addition of the phrase, "I got full tuition." I don't want to have to validate to anyone that my college choice is only okay because I got money for going there. There's more to Ohio than Ohio State, believe it or not. Yes, my boyfriend is going ivy, but I'm going to be the person that people cite in 20 years as "having helped influenced them to reach their potential."




Does anyone have a better way of coping than listening to the following song and crying myself to sleep? If so, I'd greatly appreciate it. And please don't say read the bible. My faith isnt strong enough for that.

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/after_the_storm_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html
All about Mumford And+Sons: http://www.musictory.com/music/Mumford+And+Sons